For survivors and those of us who work in the field, the last few weeks have been exceptionally heavy.
To all survivors: if recent events have left you feeling angry or upset, and you’d like someone to talk to, please call us any time. We offer confidential therapy services in our Elizabeth City, Edenton, and Currituck offices. You don’t have to go through these times alone. Also, there is no shame in taking a break from media coverage when the topics are this difficult. Take care of yourself, and remember that you are not alone, and you are NOT defined by what someone else did to you.
This story has been heavy because we know that for every Jane Doe who comes forward, there are hundreds more who don’t. Sexual assault is extremely under-reported, under-investigated, and under-prosecuted. One in four undergraduate women experience sexual assault, with the highest risk occurring in the first few months of the semester.
Historically, sexual assault prevention has focused on teaching women to protect themselves. Walk in groups. Watch your drink. Share your location. But this type of “education” only further enforces victim-blaming, instead of shifting the responsibility and accountability onto those who rape and those who protect and enable rapists. Out of every 1,000 rapes, 994 perpetrators will walk free. As a society, we have to do better.
This story has also been heavy because all of the negative comments, questions, and attempts to identify Jane Doe show exactly WHY most victims never report or tell others about their assault. When victims’ behaviors and choices are called into question and their characters attacked, it makes other survivors fear coming forward to face the same judgement. Rape is not caused by alcohol, clothing, or flirty behavior. It is caused by violent people who feel they have rights to another person’s body.
Lastly, but not insignificantly, it seems the biggest reason that this case is weighing so heavily on so many, and especially survivors, is that WE ARE TIRED OF THIS. When does it end?? We are 10 years out from #MeToo, but there have been so few changes.
It can feel heavy, and even impossible, to continue to try to influence change. But we refuse to give up. We refuse to accept sexual assault as the cost of a college education. We refuse to believe that systems cannot change. We refuse to be silent in difficult moments, and we will continue to challenge the cultures, systems, and beliefs that perpetuate sexual violence. We hope you will walk alongside us in this work.
For every Jane Doe out there, we believe you.
